Hidden Sins
by 46captain46
Summary: "They break apart, glancing around to check they aren't being watched." Steve and Bucky had a secret relationship before either of them joined the war. Maybe Bucky takes Steve's feelings lighter than he should. (Stucky, just so you know.)


Sooo I had written this a few months ago and thought of posting it. I may add another chapter to this. Nothing is definite though. (To those who have read Cold As Ice, I promise I'll try to add that second chapter. I keep writing and deleting it as I don't like it very much. Keep your hopes up though folks!)

* * *

They break apart, glancing around to check they aren't being watched.

Steve's lips are swollen and redder than ever, their breaths are coming out as puffs, hair a mess and hands still around each other. Neither of them has seen a more beautiful person staring at them right in this moment.

Steve reluctantly removes his hands that were only seconds ago stroking Bucky's soft hair and backs away from his embrace, letting Bucky's arms fall to his sides almost awkwardly. He pushes himself from the wall they had leaned on and straightens his shirt.

"I hate this."

"I know you do Steve and I feel the same way, but you know what would happen were someone to find us like that." He wraps his hands around Steve once again, bringing him flash against his chest, Steve circling his arms to rest upon his waist and places his forehead on Bucky's chest. He takes deep breaths, letting the smell of Bucky's cologne shower him trying to keep himself from lashing out. This isn't Bucky's fault.

"I can't bear to lose you." he whispers and Steve tightens his hold on Bucky, trying to remind him that he is here, he is _safe_. They both are for the time being.

A giggle is heard and they break their embrace once again, despite their hearts' pleas.

"Buckyyy. Where are you?" one of the girls says, Gloria, Steve thinks. He always remembers their names, despite Bucky never doing so.

The girls find them and for a moment Gloria sends him a dirty look, before her eyes settle on Bucky, longing written all over her face. Steve finds himself unconsciously clenching his fists, half-moons already forming on his palms. He looks away as Bucky, _his_ Bucky smiles back at her, taking her hand and apologizing for making them wait.

They make their way back to the fair and both Gloria and Martha (the other girl's name, the one that was supposed to be with Steve) cling to Bucky's side like freaking octopuses. He closes his eyes and tries to keep his emotions in check but it's getting harder and harder. When he opens them again he feels a little better, before his eyes land in the scene in front of him. Gloria is kissing Bucky full on the mouth and the damned idiot is _kissing back_. Steve feels a wave of nausea overcome him and suddenly he isn't sure he can keep himself from detaching that filth – sorry, _Gloria_ – from him.

He clenches his fists even more tightly than before and he is sure he has started drawing blood but frankly, he doesn't give a fuck. He clears loudly his throat and they _finally_ break apart, even though Bucky's arms are still around the dame's waist. Steve chooses to ignore that in favor of both his sanity and Bucky's face.

"I'm going home. I'm sorry but I'm somewhat tired, you have fun."

Bucky's eyes widen slightly but his grip doesn't falter one bit.

"Steve-" he gets cut off by a glare that could burn him alive on the spot.

"I'm going home." He repeats, eyes terrifying, his mouth set in a firm line. Bucky knows he won't be able to change his mind. He nods and he heaves an inaudible sigh before turning to the girls with a blinding grin that only Steve knows just how fake is.

"Let's go girls, the night's waiting us." He drapes an arm around both of them and walks away. Steve turns his back at them and exits the fair, heading towards their sorry excuse of an apartment.

He has never run so fast in his life.

He runs and runs trying to stop his heart from bleeding, trying to erase the images invading his mind. He runs and runs and his legs feel weak, his lungs are ready to collapse, and he's gasping and running and _running even more._

When he is finally in front of their building's door he feels ready to pass out but he welcomes the physical ache and starts running up the stairs. He is out of breath and his body is screaming for a break but he ignores it and pushes further and _further_ until he feels almost numb.

Only before he gets inside he stops to catch his breath, to relieve his lungs that seem to be on fire.

He sits there for a while. Just breathing. Drawing air in and out. In and out.

He hates it. The situation, the hiding, the dames, everything.

Opening their apartment's door he drops the keys on the table and with an angry move removes the jacket from his shoulders and tosses it to the wall in front of him. He's so fucking angry. He knows that he shouldn't be, they have to hide after all, but he can't stop himself.

Sighing he pours himself a glass of water, silently sipping the transparent liquid as he thinks.

He feels sick as he thinks about it. He's getting seriously tired of the whole situation. Bucky's always with the girls just to 'keep up appearances' but Steve's done with it. He doesn't care if they are not accepted or if he's going to hell for loving someone that simply happens to be of the same gender. He wants to shout to the world, he wants for people to know that Bucky is his. That nobody else has the right to kiss him and hug him. He wants to scream in frustration because of the unfairness of it all.

The feeling that was building inside him is so strong and he wants to punch something because _since when love is a sin?_

His hand has started stinging and looks down at it only to find it bloodied, gripping tightly the now shuttered glass. He curses under his breath before taking a clean cloth to clean his hand. Putting it under the running water he mentally kicks himself because they don't have enough in the apartment and he goes around breaking freaking glasses. The water enters his cuts and it stings a bit but it's nothing he can't handle. He has dealt with a lot worse in the past.

After the blood has stopped running down his hand he wraps it with some gauze they have and chooses to focus on the dull pain of it to distract him from the other, greater ache in his heart.

His sits on his bed, _their_ bed, and hides his face in his hands. The frustration and anger have left him and he is left alone with only grief and pain.

He doesn't know when the tears start running down his face but he feels the droplets falling on his hands. It's okay, nobody's here to witness Steve Rogers in his weakest moment. Nobody's here to comfort him either.

Eventually sleep claims him and he is grateful. He needs peace right now.

* * *

Of course that peace is shuttered way too quickly. He wakes up again by some noise that's coming from outside the apartment. He instantly sits up and goes to the kitchen, taking one of the few knives they have. He grips it tightly and moves a little closer to the rotten wood they call door. The intruder keeps fumbling with the lock (not that it's _that_ difficult, the lock is a joke for Christ's sake) and Steve creeps towards the door.

He hears curses come out of the man's mouth and Steve finds his voice to be a little too familiar. Putting the knife away he heaves a sigh and opens the door. Bucky surges forward and he would have face-planted on the floor had Steve not caught him on time. The brunet breaks into a fit of laughter and Steve has to cover his mouth with his hand to keep him from waking the whole goddamn neighborhood.

The blond guides his lover to the bed and proceeds to change him out of his clothes. Bucky has a content smile plastered on his face as Steve undresses him but he chooses to ignore it.

"Her skin was so soft, Stevie! And she smelled great too. Peaches or something." A giggle "She was pretty Steve and the sex was amazing."

Steve freezes suddenly, everything inside him boiling and burning. He clenches his fists for the second time this day and ignores the pain in his hand. He feels his eyes fill with moisture but he refuses to let the tears spill. He forces his breaths to come out even and shuts firmly his eyes.

When he looks down again Bucky is sleeping soundly on their bed and Steve presses the lightest of kisses on his temple whispering three words he knows could never be returned.

"I love you, Bucky." And the tears spill. One. Two. "It's okay if you don't." Three.

He moves away from him and takes one of the spare blankets. He lays down on the floor beside Bucky and closes his eyes.

It's one of the few times he cries himself to sleep.

* * *

I hope you liked it! Reviews are most welcomed and I freaking love them! (As I said before I may add to this. I'm not 100% sure though.)

Byeeee,

46captain46


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